My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
ttyl tear gas
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
