Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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