your room smells of hookers.
And success
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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