I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
