Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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