I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
