this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
