No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
