i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
It's shark week go big or go home
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Randomize
