1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Randomize
