The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize
