Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
