I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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