Her vagina should come with caution tape.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize