My hand turned me down
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
