he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
