My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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