I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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