I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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