I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
