About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
