I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
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