yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
