one word: firstdatebathroomanal
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
