that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
