So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
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