Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
