I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize