Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
