with your own penis?
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
