HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
