What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Randomize
