what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
