We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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