I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
