Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Randomize
