"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Is Oprah even human
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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