maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
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