Buhtt sex?
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
