i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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