who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
