She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
