Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
