just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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