what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Randomize
