I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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