dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
