She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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