ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
there is glitter all over my balls
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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