dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
