i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
