I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
