This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
i was born a porn star she said
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Randomize