i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
