It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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