You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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