the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
