Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
