have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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