Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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