dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
