i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
