I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
