i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
