Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
